Meet my princess

Born on April the 2nd, 2016 at 11.09 a.m.

We named her Lily Aaira Muhammad Asyraff. 

#LilyAairaMA #BabyL #LilyA 

Behind the name

Phew..it was so difficult to give name to a person, especially when she is made out of you. After all the pain and tears, of course all you want is everything to be perfect for her. Especially for the name, the calling that will stay with her for the rest of her life! 

I have been hash-tagging her with #BabyL during my pregnancy journey. 'L' stands for Lily. I have been calling her Lily since I can remember. At first we thought that she is going to have only one name, Lily, that's it. But, due to some circumstances, we added the second name at the last minute. A very last minute which was so frustrating for me as I couldn't find a name that I like. After I went through the name suggestions listed by 'A' for the umpteenth times, I found something interesting; Aaira has the same meaning with Asyraff in arabic. It's like the female version for Asyraff, which means noble/ respectful/respected/honorable. 'A' likes the name Aaira because in Japanese it means superior love (Ai=love, ra=superior). Well, he has been listing names that has both Japanese and arabic meaning. It's like it is expected that his children will be raised here. That's how we both agree to give her another name, Aaira. 

Her hospital tag.

Her cot's label.
Rosli chants baby girl
D.O.B. Heisei 28, April, 2nd
Time 11.09am
Age when born 39weeks, 0 days
Weight 3014g
Length 49.5cm

Lily's first day home in her cot :) welcome home my baby :)

The moment I became a mother

*read part one: when the water broke

April 1st, 2016...7 p.m.

We settled in the labor room with our luggages. Yes, luggages as I was expected to stay in the hospital for 7 days. I was so optimistic, I even carry all my work thinking that 7 days stay would be so boring. Anyway, first thing first, I was asked to change into a labor dress, which is a very cute pink knee-length dress. Then the midwife strapped me on the bed with ctg to monitor baby's heartbeat and contractions. So, I was expected to stay on the bed until...well, the baby decided to come out. Then, the midwife handed us a huge bag full with supplies like varieties of maternity pads and some baby's stuffs. 

'A', who just recovered from influenza and the midwife who welcomed us. 

The woman in labor.

I was so hungry by the time I settled on the bed. I used to have dinner at 6, and then it was already 7p.m. So, 'A' left to buy some dinner and went home to get things that we forgot to bring. By 7.30, he came back to me and we had dinner together. That time, I can still laugh and there wasn't any significant contraction I could feel. 

Then at 8p.m. I felt weak period cramps on and off. I was thinking, oh, has it started? If the pain is like this, I can do this! I know..don't laugh at my naivety. Anyway, I took this time to finally read to notes given by the doctor. She gave me weeks in prior asking me to study on the breathing. But, I didn't. So, basically, I came in without any knowledge at all on the breathing or anything in regards to labor. Sigh..I know..so ignorant. I figured things like this can't be understood by books. I need to experience it to know how to manage it. I was right. When the pain is so unbearable that I can't ignore anymore, the midwife taught me the breathing technique. She also taught 'A' how to help me ease the pain, i.e. the right way to roll the tennis ball on my back. When we enter the labor room, we noticed the tennis ball and we questioned ourselves what tennis balls doing in labor room. lol xp. By the way, it really helps, that tennis ball! 

ctg and the TV.

Well, you can have the midwife's full attention in here as it is usually only one person gave birth at one time. Despite of that, she didn't entertain my request for pain killer or any pain lessening procedure that they can offer. 

April 2nd, 2016

Dealing with contractions and labor

While at latent phase, I actively 'what's apping' friends and family. Most of them were surprised as they also expected me to deliver later than the due. They gave me a lot of tips and ritual I can do to ease the labor. In between the messaging, I also shopped for handbags and baju raya online :p. However, when I started feeling sleepy at around 1a.m., I feel the contractions get stronger. I can't entertain myself with anything anymore. The pain took over my mind and I was frustrated because I was so sleepy but the contraction didn't allow me to fall asleep. I regretted for not resting well when the midwife suggested me to.

The notes given by the doctor a few weeks before. I didn't read it until I was strapped in the labor room with CTG monitor. hehe. Still, I couldn't relate, until I experienced every steps myself. The notes really helped on what to expect. Alhamdulillah my labor process was text-book alike.

'A' was by my side assisting me breathing. If not because of him, I don't think I can do the breathing at all, and I would probably will get crazy dealing with the pain. The breathing did helped a lot for me to handle the pain because without it, the pain will be unbearable. Good breathing is the only way you can get through the process. Time goes by, and the pain did not get easier. I spent so much energy trying to get through each phases. Without me realizing it, suddenly the sun was up and the clock showed that it was 8a.m. It was the time when I feel any breathing couldn't ease the pain anymore. Suddenly, the pain I felt was so strong and accompanied by the urge to pass motion. I told 'A' that I wanted to go to the toilet. Then he called the midwife saying that I wanted to go the toilet. Then, when the contraction subsides, I don't feel like going to the toilet anymore. So confusing, I know.

For those of you who not yet go into labor, contraction will get stronger and more frequent as the labor progresses. So, like 3 minutes later I screamed for toilet again. I really..scream.. guys...although I had sworn I won't be one of those dramatic lady in labor. But then I cancelled the call again as the contraction subsided. As I told you, the contraction only gets stronger. Another 3 minutes later, the urge to pass motion came again and it was way way stronger and uncontrollable that I just let whatever my body wants to do. I tried to push the 'stool' out of me, but all I feel was air coming out from the anus. lol xp. Turned out guys, that's the signal your body gave when you are ready to push.

The midwives finally came into the room and this time she took my scream seriously and finally took the initiative to check my opening. sigh..then she discovered that I have fully dilated T_T It's all because everyone assumed that I might take longer to reach the full dilation T_T Now I know what it feels like when they said they really want to push. It's your body did it. It's your body that made you want to push. I tried my best to keep to the breathing technique but it was too painful that all I did was screamed for help..help to ease the pain. I tried so hard not to scream though, but I'm just a human..with no experience in labor T_T

They immediately prepared the room for labor and called the doctor. Although all the process will be assisted by the midwife, the presence of a doctor is still required in case there's any complications that might need their intervention. Anyway, thank God everything was ready by the time clock struck 9 as that was the time the doctor arrived (it was Saturday). I had no idea how to do it, so the midwife was so patient teaching me how to push and attempted several styles that could help me with the labor. By the way, nothing really helped, finally I settled with the standard position..baring je.

After 2 hours, many attempts of pushes and beggings for caesarean, I finally succeeded delivering a healthy baby girl. It was so difficult, I tell you. And it's true people say that after the baby is out, all the pain is gone. Despite of that, down there you still feel pain la...when the doctor took over to stitch me up, I gasped and asked her whether the procedure is gonna be painful. Then she showed me a syringe filled with local anaesthetic. I was so relieved, you guys. The saying that you won't feel pain during stitches is not true for me, I think, because I felt it strongly when she injected me, let alone all the stitches without numbing that part first!

The push, it was so hard for me. I think part of it was because I was drained of energy and I was so hungry. Because of the hunger, I looked up the clock and saw the time. It was 8a.m. That's how I remembers the time. I was already tired while dealing with the contractions for 12 hours. I remember I kept telling 'A' I was tired and keep saying "I can't do this". Then, the contraction came despite of how not ready or how tired you are. You just had to deal with it. 

I remember I keep asking for water in between contractions. According to 'A' my energy booster was this lemon tea. He said I appear to be able to have a fruitful push after he fed me with this lemon tea. Maybe you guys can add this into your list for possible energy booster in labor. heh.

'A'

'A' yang sedang membuat onar dalam labor room. This time I still can laugh and make jokes. A few hours later...you don't wanna know.umpama dirasuk >,<

'A' managed to get some sleep. I was still in latent phase this time, so I actively messaging with my friends on the phone. Still optimistic about labor and refused to get some sleep. What a wrong move! 

It was also awkward for me to deal with different 'A'. Both of us rarely act serious. We both always being sarcastic to each other and always twisted things to make it funny. So, when dealing with life and death situation like that, I don't know how do I deal with 'A'. I saw his eyes got wet while cheering for me. He came out with some serious quotes in which if on different days we both will end up bursting in laughter. It was so not fun looking at 'A' like that. I wish I can tell him don't be sad/ don't cry, I'm fine. But, I was seriously in pain. Maybe that would be the only time I will allow him being all serious with quotes and all without making fun of him. and of course 'A' had some serious tears coming out when he sees his daughter came out of me, perfect, healthy and so beautiful. 

Baby girl

We have been waiting for her arrival for 5 years. So, when we hear her first cry and the midwife said that the baby is perfect (and kept saying how she resembles 'A'), we were overcame with joy. I cried, obviously, and said to 'A' we are finally a parents, a status we have been patiently waited for. I think 'A' was so happy for one, he is now a dad, and two, for the fact that I did it.

The doctor had been telling me that my baby will resembles her father a lot since she was in my belly. When she came out, that was what everyone was saying. As soon as the head was out, the midwife immediately declared that the baby looks like the daddy. Sigh..after all the push and dramas, she came out looking like daddy in every ways. Nevertheless, alhamdulillah for her to be one healthy baby. She's indeed looked a lot like 'A'. Now I need to go all through this again until I get one looking like me..at least. heh.


Post-labor

Skin to skin contact (STS) was done first as soon as she came out. The midwife made the baby latch on both breasts for a few minutes and took her away for a while for a thorough check up.

We were so exhausted after battling for more than 12 hours. We were given a 2 hour bonding time with the baby in the labor room. 'A' held the baby for a moment to whisper than and iqamah to her ears. Then, she was placed on my chest again for STS and after that, I passed out. When I wake up, I saw 'A' sleeping on the sofa and baby was sleeping on my chest. Apparently, we were all fell asleep! nice bonding time.

The midwife then sponge-bathed me and changed my cloth. I didn't have to lift a finger. She changed my diaper several times until she think the blood could be well absorbed by the maternity pads. I finally had my meal after my last one, yesterday's dinner. Then I was wheeled to the ward. It was around 3pm when I settled in the bed that I'm going to spend on for the next 7 days.


p/s: I should stop here. There's a lot more stories to share with my future self and to you, readers. I think I don't know many things until I experienced it myself. It's either people are being selective in telling their stories or they are just lucky to have everything went so smoothly. Enough for me to tell you, labor and contractions, they are just the beginning. The tougher journey ahead is going to be more challenging at least at emotional level. No, it's not the baby that tested you, it's your body. Ok, enough with the clue. I'll leave you here. See you in the next entry!

 

The baby girl who has changed my world and myself. The one who has made me a mother :)

When the water broke

April 1st 2016..

It was a fine Friday. 

The weather was at its best, not so cold and yet not so warm, just enough to elaborate the kindness of spring would bring. In addition to that, the long awaited sakura was in the full bloom (mangkai). Unlike last year which witnessed quite a rainy sakura season, this year's mangkai was accompanied a much friendlier weather. Like the rest of the population, I have the same idea in mind, i.e. going for hanami on the next day, which happened to be Saturday. I can't explain more of the strategic time the sakura got mangkai. It was almost sure that everyone of us will be able to experience a nice hanami with our families and loved ones.

So, it happened that on that particular week, I decided to start my maternity leave, although I was really 50-50 about it. On Monday until Wednesday, I was full dressed for work before I decided not to go because dressing up itself drained me of the energy of the day. At the end, I stayed in, in full dress, watching the TV while counting the minutes 'A' is back from work. Meanwhile, 'A' was very happy every time I told him I didn't go to work. He was so worried of the possibilities I will go to labor while at work. That Friday too, I was at home, sleeping most of the morning. Then I filled my time planning for the next day hanami (sakura viewing while having picnic). I was so ready to go all out for hanami this time because of the great weather and just the right amount of sun. I tried on a few dresses while imagining how I wanted to look like in a picture with sakura and me, pregnant. I tweeted about the activities and how happy I was to discover that I still can fit into my XS maxi dresses. But, at the end I decided not to dress in any maxi/gowns at all as that kind of dress will only exaggerated my pregger's body.

After deciding on what I would wear for hanami, I went out to buy some stuff for the picnic. On the way to the supermarket, I took photos of the sakura tree around our housing areas and tweeted it.

I was supposed to enter week 39 on that Saturday. Almost everyone told me I would probably exceeds 40 weeks given that it was my first time giving birth and because of the gender of my baby. Although I didn't want to believe that, but after so many people said it, it had set well in my mind. That's why both of us ('A' and me) was very slow in completing the baby's necessities and that includes the hospital bag. 

While walking, suddenly I felt a gush of water coming down from down there. I convinced myself that I might peed myself again as I did the previous Sunday after sneezing. But this time, I was neither sneezing nor coughing. I stalled when I feel it at first. I continued walking and that time the water came out much more and I was convinced it wasn't from the bladder because I can't seem to able to control it. Then, I turn back trying to walk towards my house and oh my God, the water came out like its nobody's business. I walk as fast as I could (I was so huge, how fast could I go especially with water gushing out from under you like that). I searched for my phone and you know, at times like this our phones usually decided to sink deeper in the bag! arghh.. at that time I attracted dogs who happened to cross my path. 

When finally I reached home, the keys decided to hide themselves and I happened to carry a lady Dior. That bag is so hard to fish out for things because of its firm body (double sigh). The water came out much more as I was standing still fishing for the keys. My pants and socks..soaked. I stepped into the house with trails of amniotic fluid following me. I was panicked and didn't know what to do. I panicked not because of the fact that it's amniotic fluid, but because I don't know how to manage the leaking water. I changed pants and wear an overnight pad, still it got soaked so fast until there's no pants left anymore. So, I was worried what to do if I don't have pants. What to wear to the hospital. 

I called 'A' and he was so panicked although I told him I didn't feel any pain, yet. He arrived home in 10 minutes. Thank God his office is so close to home. While waiting for him, I try to grab all the necessities for the baby. I grabbed everything that crossed my mind, but still it wasn't complete. 

It was 6 o'clock when we left home.

My ride to the hospital -_-"

On the way to the hospital, 'A' called the hospital to tell them about our arrival. The midwife asked me about my condition whether I feel any pain and the color of the amniotic fluid. The admission people has already expecting us with all the documents necessary (it was amazing as it was only 15 minutes journey from home). We were told to go straight to the labor room where a midwife stood there, waiting for us. 

The midwife asked me to pee and immediately checking my opening. It was so difficult for me to do all these procedures because of every moves seems to accelerate the leakage. I think I used up the whole pack of overnight pads at this point. 

So, what was my condition at that time? My opening was still around 2cm (I was at 2cm from week 36). Then we were ushered to the labor room where we were told that we are going to stay until the baby comes out. It was 7 p.m. by then.

*to be continued*

This post is getting longer, so I'm going to break the story into two parts. So, I'm going to stop the story of my April 1st of 2016 here. See you in the next episode where hopefully we are going to see the climax!

October 31st 2015

While others were busy celebrating halloween (the one festivity with vague purpose), I'm busy replying all the warm wishes that came into may way through various channels.

It was my birthday :)

Busy replying all the whatsapp messages. Until today I still hasn't replied the birthday messages in FB. Sigh.. I hope they know that I read them and they do made my day. It may not be a big thing for some of you, but hey, they made time to wish us!

Because the birthday girl loves breakfast, so it's just right to give her a nice breakfast at the place that serves her favorite yuzu tea :) 

The cafe is located next to this scene :) the weather was great, the people that greeted me was very kind and lively. It was such a perfect beginning of October 31st :) 

Ok, I lied. My birthday was celebrated much earlier than this. As the clock struck 12!

'A' presented me the birthday (cup)cake while hiding his face (and the cake) behind the door. He was too ashamed of his cake. I had to fight him to get a closer look at the cake. At the end he fell asleep while trying to hold me down so that I wouldn't get close to the 'cake'. So, that's when I snap this photo :D
He is a bad cook, so, of course he will have no idea how cake is made. ahaha xp. But, I'm ok. I love chiffon cake anyway:) The thought that counts!

So, most of the night I was busy chatting away with my friends who made time to wish me the best of birthday ahead. 

Can't thank you enough for your wishes and of course your du'a is one of the priceless birthday gift to me. May Allah bless.

'A' is 31

'A' has turned 31 last weekend.

And I'm so glad that he's finally gonna be a father (inshaAllah). 

Sometimes I feel sorry for him when he hang out with his gang with only he with no kids. 

Although I know he was okay, we are okay, but kids surely made us happier, right?

So again, I was facing with the same problem, what to get him for his birthday????

It's not so often I get him anything. Er no, I think I rarely get him anything using my own money. heh! So, on his birthday I make it a mission to get him something good, something really special.

Of course at times, I would tell him this one problem of mine which never seemed to get solved. 

What to get him for a present? So far, I failed miserably.  These few years, he really being honest by telling me what he wanted and I know he wasn't kidding because I knew he was eyeing for them. The things are like a Mercedes GLA (or at least a C-class), a markII camera (he even offered to pay half of it), a Panerai (he said at least an Omega), or Rolex (he even accepted the preloved ones). So, if you are me, would you even consider them? Me? Not a chance. Anyway, why is men's toy is getting expensive by age? geez..

Anyway, he can keep on dreaming I would really buy those for him, or even consider any of it!

Since we are abroad with scarce number of Malaysians, we have only each other. I made it a mission to make his special day, a special one! I know I couldn't do much, but at least I made him know that someone in this world really adores him. That he has affected this particular person in many ways. If he couldn't realized that he's made this world a better place, I want him to know that at least he has changed the world of this one person to the better. 

It sounds like I threw him a headline's worthy party, isn't it?

No, I just make sure that I made him a cake and buy him present. A present that would signify he's turning 31, also at the same time letting him know that I love him and that he deserved something good for himself, at least on his birthday :)

I like it that people wish me as early as possible on my birthday. So, of course I would do that for him! When the clock struck 12, I took out the cake that I made in front of him (it's a Japanese house, how could you not see what each other's doing all the time), and lighted the candle. The thing was, he's already fast asleep at that time. And oh boy, it was so difficult to make him get up and blow the candles T_T

I made a red velvet cake. Of course because it is one of the easiest and sexiest cake there is. haha.
Oh, look at all the melted candles. By the time he wake up, tinggal lidi je T__T 

 When asked what's the special food he wanted on his birthday? 

The answer was..chicken nuggets. So, he had chicken nuggets all day.

Brought him to dinner by the river :) We didn't order much because his tummy was still full with chicken nuggets. What a waste of seats, the waitress must have thought. 

Happy birthday, dear my greatest blessing!

A dream I had

At the end of last year, I came back to KL alone, while 'A' came to see me a few days afterwards.

That time, I took the opportunity to catch up with friends, family members that I haven't seen for a long time. Texting is not the same with sitting down, talking with each other, guys. I'm still value presence better than phone communication.

Anyway, I was so depressed that time, just because of bad traffic. I haven't had stuck in traffic jams for a very long time, that is, since I live in Japan. So, maybe the pressure that I felt when stuck in traffic jam means nothing to you. I tried to use Waze and google map, but to no avail because unfortunately the roads that I got lost in have changed and it wasn't updated in both applications. After I think 20x making rounds and rounds, I stop my car at the emergency lane and burst to tears. I can't believe I cried for the smallest thing, when I hardly cries for anything. So basically, all the days that I had to drive around by myself, my face will be so scary even I myself refused to stare in the mirror. haha.

On this one Sunday, I promised my very best friend a breakfast date. I think she was worried about me because I called her when I was in the middle of nowhere crying because KL traffic is suck. So, she was probably thinking that I might cancel the plan. But, I went ahead anyway because I figure maybe this much awaited breakfast date would change my mood.

I arrived at her house at 8am. When in Malaysia, I love mornings. So, breakfast date is always something I prefer for a girlfriends meeting. We hugged and she asked me whether I was okay. Of course my tear is about to burst when she asked that. Not because of the traffic, but because someone is actually care even the things that bothers me is..traffic jam. 

Anyway, we had a nice moment over breakfast. The food was so-so. But, it's the moment that I cherish. With her, I managed to talk my heart out. Telling things that I can't share with family members or people other than myself. It's good we have someone we can trust, someone that's willing to spare her time just to listen to your problem. Alhamdulillah that I have her for that. 

Unfortunately, we also shared the same life struggle. A struggle that we can't do much about it except making a lot du'a and have a lot of patience. This one problem, maybe only those who is having it can understands it. Lucky for us, we already are best friends for years, and have each other to go through this. 

On the way home from our breakfast date, I told her, "I wish that we can get pregnant around the same time. If that happened, I'd be the happiest person on earth!" "Can you imagine....bla bla..."

She just smiled the brightest like she always has and we nod to each other thinking the odd that could happen.

And just a few days ago (I was at 14weeks), she contacted me and told me that she is also expecting! and the best part is our estimated delivery date (EDD) will be in the same month!

It's not always the thing I randomly said came through. This event just proved to me, what you said could be du'a. In this case, I really really grateful to HIM that HE listened and granted us the miracles that we have been waiting for. 

I wish us all the best in raising our little miracle!

My biggest, most expensive anniversary present ever.

It was the morning of our 5th anniversary. My period was supposed to due two days ago. But, I figured, maybe because I was a little bit stress with workloads that my period came a little bit later. I thought maybe I'll get it by today or tomorrow. But then I thought I had this brown stain two days ago. It was day 12 of my post-ovulation day (I tracked my ovulation day). Having period on day 12 is normal by the way. My period has always started off with brown stain. Sort of give me a head start of what's coming tomorrow, which I love about myself. So, I have the time to check whether do I have enough pads, etc. But, after 24 hours, there was no following stain or cramps whatsoever. I was feeling 50-50 between worried and hopeful. Would it be implantation bleeding or it's just my period got stuck in there. lol xp. I am 30, so, I know not to put my hope too high. I don't like to deal with frustrations.

So, on the day of our 5th anniversary, 2 days has passed since the first appearance of the brown stain. That morning when I wake up, we wished each other happy anniversary and I'm off to the toilet. My heart says to pee on the stick as it will be my first pee of the day. I had the stick for so long I couldn't remember. I swear to myself only to use it when something has become unusual. But, part of me said what happened to me was not something unusual. Period would come on day 14-18 after ovulation. So, I was just at day 16. However the thought that I haven't bought anything for 'A' yet, decides everything. haha. So, I peed on the stick and the two lines appeared almost instantly. I quickly check the expiration date of the UPT stick. It's still good in fact it has almost a year more until it expired. So, my gut feeling was correct after all, but I keep wanting not to believe it.

I bring the stick to my husband who is still on the bed. It was weekend. I asked him for my present and he showed me my car he bought a few months ago. Lol xp. Fine, fair enough. That was his present to me, that's huge, I know. And he looked at my small box with nil excitement, ready to belittle my effort every single time -_-" When he saw the content, I expect him to jump of extreme happiness but he just sat there and stare at the content (stick). He asked me, 

"How to read this thing?" 

"are you sure two lines means positive?" forgetting the fact that his wife is a scientist.

"Are you sure the line is supposed to be red?"

"this stick got peed? ewww!!!" -the peed part was well capped.

-_-"

aaaaa....what a spoiler. I forgot his knowledge in biology is at level darjah 3 -_-" sigh..

So I patiently took time to explain to him how the stick works. He was skeptical and google about it then only he smiled the brightest I have ever seen ever since the solemnization. hahahaha xp. But, that was only maybe after 3 hours of internet research about upt. He came to the kitchen while I was preparing his breakfast with the huge grin on his face when us, the entire house has over with it. geez... 

For the first time ever, I win "the best anniversary present giver" in 5 years of marriage and countless of years of courtship. hehe.. 

I never felt so alive, I put his present to shame!

Mee goreng

Do you know the situation when you already know the answer for a question, and yet you keep asking..like for 4 years?

You know, everything I sign up to, name it the study, the work, and especially a signing up to a lifetime commitment such as marriage, I would do it the best I can. Simply because I have no mental capacity to deal with failure or worse, regret.

Year by year, I tried to improve any part of me that are lacking (Except for the height...that is beyond my power. Ahaha xp). I tried to improve at the smallest point as possible. Like everyday before husband goes to work, I would ask the same question:

"What do you want to eat for dinner, sweetheart?"

And..I realized, he always gave me the same answer;

"Mee goreng"

I think after 40 times, I have stopped listening to his answer. But, the weird thing is, I keep asking him everyday. It's kind of a habit already. Subconciously, however, I just asked without giving a damn for his answer.

On another note is, what's with him and mee goreng. And I tell you, he will be over the moon whenever I really cook mee goreng for dinner.

Last remaining hours in Toyohashi, Aichi-ken

I have been living in Japan for 3 and a half years, and I have moved to 3 different houses (including the recent one). Even thinking about it makes me feel tired. Sigh..So, in average I moved once a year T_T

Although I have moved twice before, but it is nothing compared to the recent one, the intercity move, I would say.

Anyway, this time around it was totally different and 100 times harder for me. There are so many things to pack given that apparently, a guy has a lot more things than us girls (if apparels are not in the list). Last time I moved, I cannot remember packing up TVs, so many cubes of speakers in many sizes and shapes which I'm not sure for which devices. Don't make me start with all the bulky desktop with alien-looking CPU. sigh..that has to wait for him. And to make things worse, he still went to work until the last hour we were in Toyohashi. "So Japanese".

To tell you the truth, I really want to call for the movers to do all the packing and delivering. It was just full of headache with the packing alone. Haha. Unfortunately, all movers were fully booked! I just couldn't believe this. The best option for us was to pack our own things and call for the door-to-door courier company. If we book the slot a few more hours later, I heard, they were also fully booked. Thank God we had a slot. Phew..Those who couldn't get, they had to rent a lorry and drive the stuff themselves to the later home. If the distance involved 300km, maybe we could. But ours will be about 750km T_T How can we go back and forth T_T 

We have so many things to throw away especially the bulky things like the bedframe, the refrigerator, stove, etc. This is not Malaysia where you can just dump them in front of your house and the next hour there will be no shadow of the anymore. In here, you have to plan everything even your garbage. We could too, if we have more time. Husband and me just arrived 2 weeks before our moving day from different continents, so, garbage planning was at the bottom of the list. That time, we didn't even booked a house at Hiroshima. But we already started pack things up. Yes, without the latter address. Hahaha..

A day before we moved. Waiting for the courier company. And husband is calculating all the cost on the only furniture left. bahaha xp 

Low tolerant to waiting..made him this. Angkat sendiri sampai bawah. Wasting upah tau this guy.

Initially he just wanted to get a few stuff down while waiting for the lorry. Pastu angkat sampai habis. bahaha. Me??Then who gonna take this picture?

The courier company at the crime scene. Pasti gembira melihat layanan customer serupa ini. Takyah susah-susah gitu T_T

Our breakfast spot almost everyday for the last few days. I would consider to review about this awesome cafe in the future. Cantik sangat!

The labels. Because I don't want strangers to know the content #bimbomoment.
This was before husband said "just write it in Bahasa Malaysia". Yea, he only gave me the idea after box 23. and we had 25 boxes. Penat tau lukis T_T

Our last stop before exiting Nagoya was, Toyohashi University. Because I forced him to take his photo here for memory. Sigh..
Look!the fully bloomed sakura behind me. We had to miss all of them though. Then we left for Kobe...

To be continued...

Dimer

Just now I went home for lunch with my mother.

I will be away in no time. So, I want to spend quality time with her as much as I could, even if it means I will have to be in rush all day, have to walk several miles just to get to and fro of my car. But, I am more willing to be a bit tanned and smelly rather than feeling extreme guilt for not seeing her when I could.

So, while we are having lunch, mom tuned into the Wanita Hari Ini which was then discussing about `anak halang ibu bapa berkahwin` topic. I will not discuss further on this matter in this blog though. So, at the end of the slot, I asked her if she has ever thought of getting married. FYI, my father has passed away for 11 years already (Al-Fatihah). I told her, it is okay to want to get married again. You know why I think like that? Let`s flashback a bit..a few hours before I rushed home...

My field of speciality at the moment is cancer study at the molecular stage. So, I have to understand the disease starting at the single cell stage. Most of the time I have to study the protein folding and using the knowledge to manipulate the cancer to respond to the drug we are studying. The more I read about proteins, molecules, I realize nothing can actually exist alone. They will always be in pair (dimer). If they are not in dimer, they will have some sort of back up, in case they failed. That is why, cancer is difficult to kill. 

Ok, enough with the science. The bottom line is, everything I see here is created in pair.

Of course, mom doesn`t need to get married if she doesn`t want to. Because the dimer I mentioned just not are not just existed as heterodimer (pairing of different types). It could also homodimer (pairing of similar types). If mom like it, she can live in homodimer with me! 

October 2013

I mentioned this a lot of time whenever I got stressed up life during PhD period; "I will so going to have 6 months holiday after graduation!"

Yes, people the period has now come to an end. Well, it was actually last September, the moment suddenly Wani came to hiatus, again! So, feel free to congratulate me :p ahaha

Yours truly, officially pass her doctorate. Alhamdulillah

 

Unlike any other graduate student, I do not have contract. So, after finishing, I am free to determine the next 'life'. Well, the PhD itself was a kind of 'rezeki datang bergolek'. The kind of moment when you never plan about it, or even strive towards it. It just came knocking on my door, giving me the sign to say yes to the marriage proposal. At first, I really want to rush into starting working at my home university. But, a few days before my departure to KL, I received the most terrible news (to me at that time); husband has to extend his stay in Thailand. This situation has made every plan goes haywire, the only way to solve it is one of us has to give up working. It was not possible to have one half in Malaysia and another half in Japan. Marriage does not work that way. Trust me, I learned this by hard. 700km apart for 3 years was torturing enough! That time, I do not think I can carry any more than 700 for even a day.

But I did it for a month. I went back to KL and spent my October in Malaysia, where I tried so hard to spend quality time with both my families, and beloved friends (I tried. haha). I satisfied with all the time spent, although I owe so many other people time with them.

Leaving Japan. At this time, I did not know whether I would come back again. So, I've been telling people that I was coming home for good.

Spending some quality time with my nieces and nephew. They are so grown up and so pandai already. Im a proud aunty.

 

They are my highschool sweethearts. The friends who accept me for who I am. Who grew up with me.

 

Some girls time with the in laws.

One of the most important event; Dr Najo got engaged. I felt really sebak to let her go ;(

 

And....so many more moments that are so significant in my life! I have to say October 2013 has been one fulfilling month as well as..emotionally distressing.

I miss husband terribly, therefore I tried to have a busy schedule. For that, I decided to initate something totally new in my life and I will share it with you later. I made sure every single day was filled with activities to help me stop thinking too much about him. But you know, we can't control this. No matter how fulfill, how many people are surrounding us, he is the only person that matters. It's so annoying and..scary at the same time :/

I was so busy that I do not have time to properly shopping! On the day I board the flight back to Japan, I was so exhausted. haha. As soon as I arrived home, I slept the whole day! haha.But it is okay, I have no regrets :)

Oh, didn't I tell you? I decided to take 3 months leave! I asked my boss for it. And pheww...she's so get it! Since Im not tied up, I am free to do whatever I want! Well, actually I don't know if I want to go back to work after 3 months. I feel like I had enough and so looking for something else in life. Sometimes, I wish I can play by the rules, like most people do. Especially after so many epiphany that this life is too short.

Currently, I'm enjoying my role as a fulltime housewife with...so many hobbies! I see my hobby as my personal mission in life. Everything I have to get myself familiar with before I die. I hope this life is an acceptably a long one, because I have a long list of to do, and the most importantly, I have so much love to give away :)

Write to you more, later!

 

 

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Post viva aftermath..

#Disclaimer: viva is not the car viva la..if it is, I'll put capital V in front.

Yours truly and the other two boys are currently suffering of a syndrome called 'viva aftermath'.

We never think post viva is going to make us so ugly.

You are having viva aftermath when you...

1- Are hated by other students. 

We are always seen to hang out merata-rata in around the campus, and whenever we see those still struggling friends of ours..our muka straight away says "owh..kesiannya korang.." haha..and they said..it is written all over our face. We usually denied that..but I swear the other two boys are smiling..involuntarily while saying..kesian you ols. 

2. Gain weight.

I was making fun at these two boys who started to looking pregnant! One of them looks almost term. Just last week I was infected with the same 'disease'. I started to feel suffocated and heavy. So, I weight myself. I was so shocked to look at the numbers!arghhhh!!Therefore, I started myself on diet regime; i.e. only one ice-cream for every two days. If this does not work, I'll cut the cake and cookies for tea as well >,<

3. Maybe this is just applied to myself. I'm having break out all over body and..face! I think it is worse than those teen's break out. My teen's break out just jerawat nasi on my forehead. This one..jerawat batu merah I tell you! It sure started when I was busy preparing for viva. It continues even after the viva. Then I blame the new face scrub I just started to use that time. I stop using them, the break out are still there. I was thinking to see a doctor. But, due to raining season, I could not ride bicycle and go to the clinic (although basically I'm going to hospital everyday!My campus is a hospital!). Finally I self-diagnosed myself. I discover the wrong with me. Since the viva preparation, my sleep cycle has gone haywire. I'm pretty sure I wasn't sleep deprived, but more to not having a good quality night sleep. That is very important to me, in fact to us, human. I guess the saying of beauty sleep is true. At least to me. Apparently, my body require a good night sleep to sustain the(almost) flawless skin. I miss my face without red/brownish dots everywhere. During this time, I have to korek my long gone oxy. I can't remember when the last time I apply oxy or any benzoyl peroxide on my skin. 

        Since the viva day, I usually came home at 9 and straight away go to dreamland. Then only wake up at 12am-ish, and find myself wide awake until around 4am. This continue even after the viva has finished. It's like my sleeping clock is used to it. Anyway, after my self-diagnosis, I tried to keep my sleeping pattern like it used to be. Know what, the next morning, I see my skin glowing again!Just in one night. Especially those on my back, seems to die! Alhamdulillah...so girls, beauty sleep is true they say. I have experienced it myself. Believe me you don't want to experience this first hand, especially at this age when you repair system and skin turnover is slowing down.

4. Your clock dies on you.

During the past 2 years, I always trying to make time to do all my hobbies and what's not. Now, I have all the time to do everything, but why is the clock ticking so slowwww....we don't know what else to do. To pack up? We have 3 more months to go..hm..always we ask each other...what are you doing now??They are usually still at home or looking at the clock. haha.

Actually I have a lot more to do. But I don't know why they don't let me start yet. ish...

5. Come to work at 10am and go back at 6pm.

which is so...nobody do especially in Japan lar..haha. When the first day I came back at 6, I was like.."I came home during daylight" :')

6. Struggling with savings.

Before, I always feeling frustrated for not having time to go shopping >,< Now, I have so much time to shop,  the itching for shopping like all over my body >,< ishh..

I really have to istiqamah and sleep by looking at my suffocating wardrobe. A good reminder that I don't need any addition anymore. But I think hand bags doesn't count. Does it?

I have started packing anyway. A few boxes already..What's left are things I need to endure summer. But, why is it like..nothing change??No significant reduction was observed for that matter. 

Enam cukuplah..karang takut pula orang nak graduate. Takut gemuk and hodoh sebab jerawat bertaburan. haha..Despite of all these above, I am all glad that everything has over, quite successfully for yours truly.

I listed down things that are very apparent to us three:)

When I started my PhD and almost ending it, husband and me always talk about the possibility for me to stay with him in Toyohashi,, doing my writings while plays role as a wife. But, it is now all long gone. We are now so far away. Maybe that what makes my clock dies on me, break outs, weight, shopping sprees, falling asleep while waiting for his call and only wake up to his missed calls, etc. All to occupy myself from thinking too much about him, the only matter that matters to me and can stop all the insanity I'm having at the moment. 

Allah knows best, so, I accept his plan with tawakal and lots of duas that the hikmah would give us more happiness in returns. InshaAllah..

To those whose still struggling, trust me, 'viva aftermath' is gonna be so worth it!lol xp

Dealing with break ups..

Why do people always leave me??!!!why??.why????waaaaa!!!!!

The night celebrating my viva.

 

 

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Berita terkini..

Hiroshima, Jun 7- Wani telah pun siap thesis beliau :')

Yahoo!!!! lol xp

*Not officially merdeka la tapi..sebab lepas ni ade thesis defend. macam-macam..redah saje.

So many procedures to accomplish. But for those who are doing their doctorate, mesti macam target viva je kan? Sebab memang betul pun tu la yang macam scary sikit. Sebab it is an open presentation, anybody can come to question you. Lucky for us (me and the other two members of my batch) for our session was reschedule to a day in which most Professors were unavailable. bahaha.. Even one of my examiner could not come due to last minute notice. The date changes was all..because of my supervisor. phew..nevertheless, my session was one of the toughest.

Do you want to see how my viva went like?

Top: During the 20 minutes presentation.

Bottom: During question and answer.

Well, most of the questions was like..'what the hell? I never really ever look into this matter >,<'

And what's worst, I had a meeting a day before that with one of the judges. He asked me which part of my research that I found it difficult and could not find the answer. Something like that.

And..he asked me that question (!!) 

I went err..and look at my mentors' faces. One of them acted dead, another one turned blue, and my supervisor was laughing. Don't worry, I took care of the question pretty well:) 

Alhamdulillah..

Us, after. 

All three of us very aware of our journey. It was a difficult one. The left one, Dr. Andra had his prof. died a month before our viva session. To find replacement prof. was not an easy task in here, in fact in Japan. Title prof. is not for everybody. So, until today, he has no one taking care of him. 

The middle one...sigh..she was struggling with emotional instability due to long distance marriage since day 1 she arrived in Japan. She is now nothing but getting worse. 

The right one Dr. Tung? I don't know. haha.

After all these years we thought the feeling of completing viva is something that we can't imagine, but certainly giving us pleasure. But, surprisingly for me, it was a total numb. Like anti-climax. 

As soon as I stepped down the stage, away from the rostrum, I was checking my phone. 

Waiting for..who else T_T 

That's how when a person meant very much to you. Everything else become meaningless T_T

With those who stayed till end :) Oh, I was the first to present. hehe..and yes, I was wearing a very red shoes and I appeared pretty colourful. Something that you won't see in here for a viva, or for a formal presentation in fact. I just wanna be myself :D

I'll be flying back to KL this Sept.

See you!

Isteri tukang jahit.

During my student year, not the uni one, when there's a long holiday, I will try doing many things so I don't feel bored. Plus, I can't stand mystery. So, everything that I find curious, I want to get the answer myself.

Mystery in here means er..how should I put it?

For example, I always curious how does it feel of driving? How can people find courage and how finally one can drive? Something like that. That time, I was so curious to try...sewing and crafting!

You know, no one in my family understands what I was doing. But I remember every cloth I used for my sewing project was from my own. Usually I'll use the pants materials to sew pouch and phone case. I also make pencil box out of my baju kurung. All because I don't want to ask money from my parents. All the pocket money I have, I had it spent to buy the sewing kit.

Although I finally had them in shape, they did not look special. Particularly, due to them originating from old cloth. Then I tried to 'beautify' them by patching and embroidery. Mostly I did embroidery because the process made me focus, and I'll forget the trouble I might be having:) I made many cases for my family members and that time I was happy whenever they say 'cantik' and get their old case/pouch replaced with mine:)

No one taught me all that. I just did with trial and error. So, until today, I don't really know the right way to do it.

It's been a long time since I last sew.

Until, I got married.

Boys, they always tore their pants!

How can I live away from you anymore? :'(

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Welcome baby Sara!

Look at how adorable she is..

Introducing baby Sara. 

Anyway, she is a Cambodian baby. Yes, not my baby (like so many people congratulating me in facebook. Please people..read the captions before commenting. You just hurt my feelings).

Her name is Sara....*insert sanskrit word here*. I could only catch Sara. And that's her calling name too. In sanskrit, Sara means gold tree! Anyhow, you are so adorable little Sara:)

Flower giving ceremony. yea..when somebody who is so annoying came to visit..haha

The new mummy..busy feeding little Sara :') 

Dear Allah,
when is my turn?:')