Saturday, April 30, 2016

Meet my princess

Born on April the 2nd, 2016 at 11.09 a.m.
We named her Lily Aaira Muhammad Asyraff
#LilyAairaMA #BabyL #LilyA 

Behind the name was so difficult to give name to a person, especially when she is made out of you. After all the pain and tears, of course all you want is everything to be perfect for her. Especially for the name, the calling that will stay with her for the rest of her life! 

I have been hash-tagging her with #BabyL during my pregnancy journey. 'L' stands for Lily. I have been calling her Lily since I can remember. At first we thought that she is going to have only one name, Lily, that's it. But, due to some circumstances, we added the second name at the last minute. A very last minute which was so frustrating for me as I couldn't find a name that I like. After I went through the name suggestions listed by 'A' for the umpteenth times, I found something interesting; Aaira has the same meaning with Asyraff in arabic. It's like the female version for Asyraff, which means noble/ respectful/respected/honorable. 'A' likes the name Aaira because in Japanese it means superior love (Ai=love, ra=superior). Well, he has been listing names that has both Japanese and arabic meaning. It's like it is expected that his children will be raised here. That's how we both agree to give her another name, Aaira. 

Her hospital tag.

Her cot's label.
Rosli chants baby girl
D.O.B. Heisei 28, April, 2nd
Time 11.09am
Age when born 39weeks, 0 days
Weight 3014g
Length 49.5cm

Lily's first day home in her cot :) welcome home my baby :)

Friday, April 29, 2016

The moment I became a mother

*read part one: when the water broke

April 1st, 2016...7 p.m.

We settled in the labor room with our luggages. Yes, luggages as I was expected to stay in the hospital for 7 days. I was so optimistic, I even carry all my work thinking that 7 days stay would be so boring. Anyway, first thing first, I was asked to change into a labor dress, which is a very cute pink knee-length dress. Then the midwife strapped me on the bed with ctg to monitor baby's heartbeat and contractions. So, I was expected to stay on the bed until...well, the baby decided to come out. Then, the midwife handed us a huge bag full with supplies like varieties of maternity pads and some baby's stuffs. 

'A', who just recovered from influenza and the midwife who welcomed us. 

The woman in labor.

I was so hungry by the time I settled on the bed. I used to have dinner at 6, and then it was already 7p.m. So, 'A' left to buy some dinner and went home to get things that we forgot to bring. By 7.30, he came back to me and we had dinner together. That time, I can still laugh and there wasn't any significant contraction I could feel. 

Then at 8p.m. I felt weak period cramps on and off. I was thinking, oh, has it started? If the pain is like this, I can do this! I know..don't laugh at my naivety. Anyway, I took this time to finally read to notes given by the doctor. She gave me weeks in prior asking me to study on the breathing. But, I didn't. So, basically, I came in without any knowledge at all on the breathing or anything in regards to labor. Sigh..I ignorant. I figured things like this can't be understood by books. I need to experience it to know how to manage it. I was right. When the pain is so unbearable that I can't ignore anymore, the midwife taught me the breathing technique. She also taught 'A' how to help me ease the pain, i.e. the right way to roll the tennis ball on my back. When we enter the labor room, we noticed the tennis ball and we questioned ourselves what tennis balls doing in labor room. lol xp. By the way, it really helps, that tennis ball! 

ctg and the TV.
Well, you can have the midwife's full attention in here as it is usually only one person gave birth at one time. Despite of that, she didn't entertain my request for pain killer or any pain lessening procedure that they can offer. 

April 2nd, 2016

Dealing with contractions and labor

While at latent phase, I actively 'what's apping' friends and family. Most of them were surprised as they also expected me to deliver later than the due. They gave me a lot of tips and ritual I can do to ease the labor. In between the messaging, I also shopped for handbags and baju raya online :p. However, when I started feeling sleepy at around 1a.m., I feel the contractions get stronger. I can't entertain myself with anything anymore. The pain took over my mind and I was frustrated because I was so sleepy but the contraction didn't allow me to fall asleep. I regretted for not resting well when the midwife suggested me to.

The notes given by the doctor a few weeks before. I didn't read it until I was strapped in the labor room with CTG monitor. hehe. Still, I couldn't relate, until I experienced every steps myself. The notes really helped on what to expect. Alhamdulillah my labor process was text-book alike.
'A' was by my side assisting me breathing. If not because of him, I don't think I can do the breathing at all, and I would probably will get crazy dealing with the pain. The breathing did helped a lot for me to handle the pain because without it, the pain will be unbearable. Good breathing is the only way you can get through the process. Time goes by, and the pain did not get easier. I spent so much energy trying to get through each phases. Without me realizing it, suddenly the sun was up and the clock showed that it was 8a.m. It was the time when I feel any breathing couldn't ease the pain anymore. Suddenly, the pain I felt was so strong and accompanied by the urge to pass motion. I told 'A' that I wanted to go to the toilet. Then he called the midwife saying that I wanted to go the toilet. Then, when the contraction subsides, I don't feel like going to the toilet anymore. So confusing, I know.

For those of you who not yet go into labor, contraction will get stronger and more frequent as the labor progresses. So, like 3 minutes later I screamed for toilet again. I really..scream.. guys...although I had sworn I won't be one of those dramatic lady in labor. But then I cancelled the call again as the contraction subsided. As I told you, the contraction only gets stronger. Another 3 minutes later, the urge to pass motion came again and it was way way stronger and uncontrollable that I just let whatever my body wants to do. I tried to push the 'stool' out of me, but all I feel was air coming out from the anus. lol xp. Turned out guys, that's the signal your body gave when you are ready to push.

The midwives finally came into the room and this time she took my scream seriously and finally took the initiative to check my opening. sigh..then she discovered that I have fully dilated T_T It's all because everyone assumed that I might take longer to reach the full dilation T_T Now I know what it feels like when they said they really want to push. It's your body did it. It's your body that made you want to push. I tried my best to keep to the breathing technique but it was too painful that all I did was screamed for to ease the pain. I tried so hard not to scream though, but I'm just a human..with no experience in labor T_T

They immediately prepared the room for labor and called the doctor. Although all the process will be assisted by the midwife, the presence of a doctor is still required in case there's any complications that might need their intervention. Anyway, thank God everything was ready by the time clock struck 9 as that was the time the doctor arrived (it was Saturday). I had no idea how to do it, so the midwife was so patient teaching me how to push and attempted several styles that could help me with the labor. By the way, nothing really helped, finally I settled with the standard position..baring je.

After 2 hours, many attempts of pushes and beggings for caesarean, I finally succeeded delivering a healthy baby girl. It was so difficult, I tell you. And it's true people say that after the baby is out, all the pain is gone. Despite of that, down there you still feel pain la...when the doctor took over to stitch me up, I gasped and asked her whether the procedure is gonna be painful. Then she showed me a syringe filled with local anaesthetic. I was so relieved, you guys. The saying that you won't feel pain during stitches is not true for me, I think, because I felt it strongly when she injected me, let alone all the stitches without numbing that part first!

The push, it was so hard for me. I think part of it was because I was drained of energy and I was so hungry. Because of the hunger, I looked up the clock and saw the time. It was 8a.m. That's how I remembers the time. I was already tired while dealing with the contractions for 12 hours. I remember I kept telling 'A' I was tired and keep saying "I can't do this". Then, the contraction came despite of how not ready or how tired you are. You just had to deal with it. 

I remember I keep asking for water in between contractions. According to 'A' my energy booster was this lemon tea. He said I appear to be able to have a fruitful push after he fed me with this lemon tea. Maybe you guys can add this into your list for possible energy booster in labor. heh.


'A' yang sedang membuat onar dalam labor room. This time I still can laugh and make jokes. A few hours don't wanna know.umpama dirasuk >,<

'A' managed to get some sleep. I was still in latent phase this time, so I actively messaging with my friends on the phone. Still optimistic about labor and refused to get some sleep. What a wrong move! 

It was also awkward for me to deal with different 'A'. Both of us rarely act serious. We both always being sarcastic to each other and always twisted things to make it funny. So, when dealing with life and death situation like that, I don't know how do I deal with 'A'. I saw his eyes got wet while cheering for me. He came out with some serious quotes in which if on different days we both will end up bursting in laughter. It was so not fun looking at 'A' like that. I wish I can tell him don't be sad/ don't cry, I'm fine. But, I was seriously in pain. Maybe that would be the only time I will allow him being all serious with quotes and all without making fun of him. and of course 'A' had some serious tears coming out when he sees his daughter came out of me, perfect, healthy and so beautiful. 

Baby girl

We have been waiting for her arrival for 5 years. So, when we hear her first cry and the midwife said that the baby is perfect (and kept saying how she resembles 'A'), we were overcame with joy. I cried, obviously, and said to 'A' we are finally a parents, a status we have been patiently waited for. I think 'A' was so happy for one, he is now a dad, and two, for the fact that I did it.

The doctor had been telling me that my baby will resembles her father a lot since she was in my belly. When she came out, that was what everyone was saying. As soon as the head was out, the midwife immediately declared that the baby looks like the daddy. Sigh..after all the push and dramas, she came out looking like daddy in every ways. Nevertheless, alhamdulillah for her to be one healthy baby. She's indeed looked a lot like 'A'. Now I need to go all through this again until I get one looking like least. heh.


Skin to skin contact (STS) was done first as soon as she came out. The midwife made the baby latch on both breasts for a few minutes and took her away for a while for a thorough check up.

We were so exhausted after battling for more than 12 hours. We were given a 2 hour bonding time with the baby in the labor room. 'A' held the baby for a moment to whisper than and iqamah to her ears. Then, she was placed on my chest again for STS and after that, I passed out. When I wake up, I saw 'A' sleeping on the sofa and baby was sleeping on my chest. Apparently, we were all fell asleep! nice bonding time.

The midwife then sponge-bathed me and changed my cloth. I didn't have to lift a finger. She changed my diaper several times until she think the blood could be well absorbed by the maternity pads. I finally had my meal after my last one, yesterday's dinner. Then I was wheeled to the ward. It was around 3pm when I settled in the bed that I'm going to spend on for the next 7 days.

p/s: I should stop here. There's a lot more stories to share with my future self and to you, readers. I think I don't know many things until I experienced it myself. It's either people are being selective in telling their stories or they are just lucky to have everything went so smoothly. Enough for me to tell you, labor and contractions, they are just the beginning. The tougher journey ahead is going to be more challenging at least at emotional level. No, it's not the baby that tested you, it's your body. Ok, enough with the clue. I'll leave you here. See you in the next entry!

The baby girl who has changed my world and myself. The one who has made me a mother :)

Thursday, April 28, 2016

When the water broke

April 1st 2016..

It was a fine Friday. 
The weather was at its best, not so cold and yet not so warm, just enough to elaborate the kindness of spring would bring. In addition to that, the long awaited sakura was in the full bloom (mangkai). Unlike last year which witnessed quite a rainy sakura season, this year's mangkai was accompanied a much friendlier weather. Like the rest of the population, I have the same idea in mind, i.e. going for hanami on the next day, which happened to be Saturday. I can't explain more of the strategic time the sakura got mangkai. It was almost sure that everyone of us will be able to experience a nice hanami with our families and loved ones.

So, it happened that on that particular week, I decided to start my maternity leave, although I was really 50-50 about it. On Monday until Wednesday, I was full dressed for work before I decided not to go because dressing up itself drained me of the energy of the day. At the end, I stayed in, in full dress, watching the TV while counting the minutes 'A' is back from work. Meanwhile, 'A' was very happy every time I told him I didn't go to work. He was so worried of the possibilities I will go to labor while at work. That Friday too, I was at home, sleeping most of the morning. Then I filled my time planning for the next day hanami (sakura viewing while having picnic). I was so ready to go all out for hanami this time because of the great weather and just the right amount of sun. I tried on a few dresses while imagining how I wanted to look like in a picture with sakura and me, pregnant. I tweeted about the activities and how happy I was to discover that I still can fit into my XS maxi dresses. But, at the end I decided not to dress in any maxi/gowns at all as that kind of dress will only exaggerated my pregger's body.

After deciding on what I would wear for hanami, I went out to buy some stuff for the picnic. On the way to the supermarket, I took photos of the sakura tree around our housing areas and tweeted it.

I was supposed to enter week 39 on that Saturday. Almost everyone told me I would probably exceeds 40 weeks given that it was my first time giving birth and because of the gender of my baby. Although I didn't want to believe that, but after so many people said it, it had set well in my mind. That's why both of us ('A' and me) was very slow in completing the baby's necessities and that includes the hospital bag. 

While walking, suddenly I felt a gush of water coming down from down there. I convinced myself that I might peed myself again as I did the previous Sunday after sneezing. But this time, I was neither sneezing nor coughing. I stalled when I feel it at first. I continued walking and that time the water came out much more and I was convinced it wasn't from the bladder because I can't seem to able to control it. Then, I turn back trying to walk towards my house and oh my God, the water came out like its nobody's business. I walk as fast as I could (I was so huge, how fast could I go especially with water gushing out from under you like that). I searched for my phone and you know, at times like this our phones usually decided to sink deeper in the bag! arghh.. at that time I attracted dogs who happened to cross my path. 

When finally I reached home, the keys decided to hide themselves and I happened to carry a lady Dior. That bag is so hard to fish out for things because of its firm body (double sigh). The water came out much more as I was standing still fishing for the keys. My pants and socks..soaked. I stepped into the house with trails of amniotic fluid following me. I was panicked and didn't know what to do. I panicked not because of the fact that it's amniotic fluid, but because I don't know how to manage the leaking water. I changed pants and wear an overnight pad, still it got soaked so fast until there's no pants left anymore. So, I was worried what to do if I don't have pants. What to wear to the hospital. 

I called 'A' and he was so panicked although I told him I didn't feel any pain, yet. He arrived home in 10 minutes. Thank God his office is so close to home. While waiting for him, I try to grab all the necessities for the baby. I grabbed everything that crossed my mind, but still it wasn't complete. 

It was 6 o'clock when we left home.

My ride to the hospital -_-"

On the way to the hospital, 'A' called the hospital to tell them about our arrival. The midwife asked me about my condition whether I feel any pain and the color of the amniotic fluid. The admission people has already expecting us with all the documents necessary (it was amazing as it was only 15 minutes journey from home). We were told to go straight to the labor room where a midwife stood there, waiting for us. 

The midwife asked me to pee and immediately checking my opening. It was so difficult for me to do all these procedures because of every moves seems to accelerate the leakage. I think I used up the whole pack of overnight pads at this point. 

So, what was my condition at that time? My opening was still around 2cm (I was at 2cm from week 36). Then we were ushered to the labor room where we were told that we are going to stay until the baby comes out. It was 7 p.m. by then.

*to be continued*

This post is getting longer, so I'm going to break the story into two parts. So, I'm going to stop the story of my April 1st of 2016 here. See you in the next episode where hopefully we are going to see the climax!


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