Last June, just a few days before Ramadan arrives, I took a flight back to KL, alone.
It was work-related so 'A' was left behind for a while. Hehe..
So far, I've been taking only either MAS or AirAsia for traveling back to KL. I'd rather take the earliest shinkansen than taking the flight from nearby airport but have change 2-3 flights to reach KL.
Anyway, every time I need to fly alone, I'd always choose MAS. It's good also as I'll be so lonely, boring and everything else given that I can't doze off easily during the day. Sigh..So, I am the person on the plane who will keep looking at her watch and wonder has the time stopped? I can't imagine flying for hours alone. OMG. So, in conclusion, I hate flying.
Anyway, fortunately though MAS has entertainment pack. I was praying that the movies would be new or something I never seen. Thank god they have many. sigh...I even watched the Italian movie, ok. That's how bored I was. The Italian movie was very funny I was laughing hysterically like a mad woman while everybody was busy sleeping or trying to sleep. I didn't do that cause I know it won't work.
After had too much laugh from the movie and dramas (I watched Modern Family and the Big Bang theory), I was attracted to 'Still Alice'. Earlier this year Julian Moore won an oscar for her portrayal of Alice. Hmm..I have always so lazy to watch movies that are shortlisted in the oscar. I mean, not in the plane where I need to kill my boredom. I need something that's entertaining. But I went ahead with it anyway.
And I tell you, this movie has made me cry like another crazy woman. Sigh..
The saddest part of the movie is during her speech at the Alzheimer's convention. It was so heartbreaking especially when my imagination went wild imagining I was sitting at her place. We basically have the same career. As an educator. I can't imagine suffering something like that.
The movie is about Alice, a professor who suffers an early onset of Alzheimers. It is hereditary, and it is even more heartbreaking for Alice to discover that her children will be affected as well. I imagined that I as the sufferer could not understand the suffer of people around me who have to deal with my condition especially our loving husband. I just can't. At one point when Alice wanted to take her like, I was secretly rooting that she succeeded. But she was too forgetful to do that T__T Ah..so many things that would make your tears bag ripped.
Before, I would just go.."oh, her/his grandma has Alzheimer..." That's all, disregarding that it is a disease and the sufferer does not have the chance to fight it, as they can't even remember a thing, how do you want to fight it without any intentions to? They can't grief, they can't fight, they basically lost their whole life.
Watching this movie made me realize, the most precious thing in our life is..the memories we have created. So guys, don't we ever waste it. Think again, all we have left is our memories. Create any good ones whenever we are at it. And try to pen it down as much as we can.
Here's the speech in 'Still Alice' that has given me a wake up call (I typed the text manually while listening to it. So, apologize if I got any words wrong):
its an honor to be here
The poet Elizabeth Bishop once wrote the art of losing isn’t hard to master.
so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their lost is no disaster.
I am not a poet.
I am a person living with early onset Alzheimers and as that person I find myself learning the art of losing everyday.
Losing my bearings, losing objects, losing sleeps but mostly losing memories.
All my life, I’ve accumulated memories.
They’ve become in a way my precious possessions.
The night I met my husband,
the first time I held my text book in my hands,
having children, making friends, traveling the world.
Everything I accumulated in life, everything I work so hard for, now all that is being ripped away.
As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell.
But it gets worse.
Who can take us seriously when we were so far than we once were?
Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences change others perception of us and our perception of ourselves.
We become ridiculous, incapable, comic, but this is not who we are. This is our disease and like any disease, it has a cause, it has a progression and it could have a cure.
My greatest wish is that my children, our children, the next generation do not have to face what I am facing.
But for the time being, I’m still alive. I know I’m alive.
I have people I love dearly. I have things I wanna do with my life.
I reel against myself for not being able to remember things
But I still have moments in a day of pure happiness and joy.
And please do not think that I am suffering.
I am not suffering. I am struggling.
Struggling to be apart of things, to stay connected to who I once was.
So, live in a moment I tell myself. It’s all I can do; live in a moment and not beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing.
One thing I’d try to hold on to though is the memory of speaking here today.
It’d go, I know it will. It maybe gone by tomorrow. But it means so much to be talking here today, like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication.
Thank you for this opportunity, it means the world to me.
So people, I recommend you cherish your memory by probably start a blog. hehe...or download evernote :D
Till then, toodles!