Happy New Year everyone!
I know, 6 days has passed, and only now I get to leave some notes in here.
Whenever I'm cycling (or driving), my mind always wanders about life. More to pondering about something and always I plan to share it with the readers. What I thought, not worrying if I'm going to be judge. It was a long time ago I give up the worry of being judge. Maybe it comes with age, the bravery of expressing your thoughts.
Anyway, when 2014 was approaching to its end, I remember I was in the state of..lack of confidence, sad, and full of regrets. I don't know the cause of me feeling down like that. To sooth myself, I asked myself what have I achieved in the year 2014. To get the answer, I need to think very hard. Very hard, that making up whatever I think I have done good is not possible. You know, you can always tells good about yourself to feel good. But I have none.
I know why.
It was because I had no resolution whatsoever for the year 2014.
So, when you don't have anything you want, you plan to achieve, then, there will be no achievement at the end of the day. Happiness comes from the feeling of satisfied. Satisfaction comes from having desires. Having desires means you know what you want.
At that point of time, I feeling envy to the people I know, knowing very well what they want, although they might sound greedy at a time. Now, I know why you need to have a little greediness in life so that at the end of the day you can be proud of yourself, although you may not be able to achieve all.
It's not like I didn't do anything at all in the year 2014. It does not really register into my memory just probably because of the things I have gained are not the things I was looking for. Coz, I didn't looking forward into anything. For me, I'll go with the flow. Now I know, I can't just go with the flow. Going with the flow without knowing the direction you are going is just like letting yourself drifting in the air, becoming not significant. By the time you realized, you have lost a lot of time, not leaving any trace of you the whole time. Then, you'll feel worthless and wishing to turn back time.
I don't know if this is the middle age crisis. But, I want myself to know, I wouldn't let her feels that way again. I wouldn't make myself drift away and start thinking of what I want for myself. I need to have new year's resolution.
Now, let's make the list!