Thursday, June 27, 2013

I'm so sorry...

Yours truly is almost entering 3 series.
It is true that age is just a number. Betul..but, the number so reflecting of our biological system. 
It counts up and warn you. Basically, like a bomb gitu. As the age going higher, our body is getting older too.
So, it is very important to start care for your health as early as possible. Jangan sampai terlambat sangat.
For those yang still under 25, you may not understand what I babbles about. 

Anyway, along this 30 years (belum lagi, tapi senang nak taip 30..haha), I meet people. Some of them stays as friends, some are just hi and bye. I admit I regret for being so immature di zaman dulu that I don't entertain people nicely causing them to leave. But what they say, people that stays are matter. But still, I accept that I was too bad that people leave. Nevertheless, I accept that with open heart, and cherish the people that stays. And yes, they aren't many of them (who stays). Unfortunate?haha..

I don't know if this is applied only to woman? but I feel like instinct sometimes work so well.
I don't do judging people by its cover. Because I had so many times being judge blindly by my cover (yes, my cover so not nice la kot). So, I would not do that to other people. I tried to make them talk to me. Usually, after a few times, I will start seeing beneath them. Unfortunately, most of the times, I sees black. Immediately, alarm inside of me switch on and I will apply a big curtain to hide the true me from them. Only little time, I find comfort around people I sees. Alhamdulillah..When I find comfort, I will feel very comfortable to reveal the real Wani. 

I think this started since the death of my dad (Al-Fatihah for him). Since he passed away, I feel very painful inside of me, I started to feel scared to give love to other people. I also experienced it with cats! After the death of Lilo (my daugther.a cat), I close my heart to any cats! Coz I already know how losing them could leave a big, painful hole in your life. I don't know how long this will stay, but this happened without I even know it. It's true in psychology they say. Maybe some part of my brain had damaged. haha.. This is what happened when men trying to present in my life. I don't even look at them and do not want to get involve in complicatedness of dating world. Basically, I wasn't one yang tukar-tukar boyfriend la..for me it is a waste of my time. haha.. Now, I am so in love with my this one man and very scared about losing him. So far my love to him is the greatest I have ever given to a human being or Allah's creature for that matters. Yes, I see this world very colorful when I decided to open my heart for this man. Alhamdulillah..(yea..all the saying in the movies are apparently true :')).

Along my journey, they are so many ways we could lose people, or in fact gaining new friends. Like recently, I just lost another. I though at this age and at this stage of life and...this career for that matters, all these back stabbings, lies, has ended. I thought everybody would be mature, more professionals. Sadly, no. Seriously, no. I just discover how I was back stabbed by a person that I open my heart to. It was so sad. I still don't know what her intentions were. What benefits she'll get after all the fitnahs she spread about me. I don't feel anything. I feel numb. See..there are so many ways your heart can be shattered. In this case, it is not difficult to forget this kind of people. To forget what she has done, would take times though. But I forgave her already. I hope she'll find peace too. 

However, I don't just blame other people for what has happened that we are now history for each other. To those I have hurt intentionally or unintentionally, from the most bottom of my heart, I beg for your forgiveness. 

I'm so sorry.

1 comment:

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