Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Week 13-the beginning of bad dreams series

When I'm writing this entry, I was at week 13 of pregnancy. Just finished my first trimester. 
This week, I noticed that I dreamt more frequently than I used to. I rarely had dreams. I guess that's the result of mind training and I don't like dreams. They made me scared of going to bed although when I was made to recall, the dreams did not have any scary element at all. I don't know why. I remember as a child, I would refused to go to bed at night as I scared of dreams. Of course I can't tell anybody that time as who would understand me?

This week, the dreams I had felt more real that it always made me woke up in the middle of the night either with bad feelings or a very loud thumping of my own heart. It was the loudest I have ever had that it almost burst our of my chest. I was worried for my baby, and I quickly composed myself together and told myself it was all a dream. I was fine seconds after.

In other dreams, I kept telling myself in that dream that it was all a dream, and I don't have to feel sad or scared. It works. I guess if I live in the divergent movie's era, I must probably the divergent. haha.

This one time, I had a dream that I rescued a dog and I wanted to keep it. But, knowing our community, it is not an option. When the neighborhood know that I keep the dog in my home, they went into my home and take the dog away. I remember I was heartbroken I trying to tell myself, this all must be a dream. Wake up. I did wake up, but when I wake up, I wanted to be in the dream again. I need to save the dog. I managed to get into the same dream and tell the dog I will look after him, even if its just in the dream. Then I remember I made du'a that Allah would allow me take care of the dog even if it's just in my dream. Then I woke up, still with sad feeling remains inside of me.

It's not like I never have dreams before, but dreams that happened lately feels so real.

One night I went to sleep with throbbing headache. I rarely have headache. Whenever I have it, it is usually unbearable for me. Usually, sleep it off would help. In the state I am in now, more the reason I avoid any drugs. That night I got a dream where my house was broken into. Tried to escape to the nearest petrol station but the burglar managed to chase me and trying catch me at the petrol station. Then I woke up. The chasing has made my heart beat really fast that I can hear it. My headache was still there when I woke up. The strong beating of the heart has made the headache worse that throbbing made sounds. All I can think of was my baby. Is she/he alright? Because the pumping of the blood felt like my head is going to burst. I tried not to think of all the bad consequences. I hope it wasn't that serious. I tried to compose myself and sleep again. See, the story wasn't that scary but since it felt so real, it affected my emotion while I sleep.

Then, one of these days, I made time to read about pregnancy at week 13. Then, I was greeted with 'are you having bad dreams?'. Oh my god..it's like they knew what is happening to me. Apparently, starting of week 13, I will experience more of bad dreams due to progesterone. Unfortunately, progesterone will mess with your sleep by giving you bad dreams. After I read that, I tried to have control over my mind, telling myself not dream. lol xp. Oh, I haven't had any bad dreams ever since I read about the revelations. Hopefully, this stays for a very long time. 

I hate bad dreams!



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