"The Untold Decade"
Once upon a time in the year 1999; “Korang nnt nak cari boyfriend, janganla cari name Asyraff..dahla name mcm penyanyi dangdut..pastu nanti perangai mcm pengetua kita tu…tak tahan aku”- Dialog from a queen bee to her clicks.
Once upon a time in the year 2002; “korang nnt nak cari boyfriend..jgn cari yang ade darah negeriX ni..mesti die nnt bla2..bla2..[sambil bace laporan akhbar mengenai kes xxx].”
We have been married for almost three months. Since we declared as couple, we have never being the normal pair. He always at the other side of the seas. Yes, sea(s) indeed, because it’s Japan. And now, after being married, we are still like the older days. It’s true that we have survived the seas. And now, I have to face the rivers and mountains to see him, even though we are now in the same country. We are now both in Japan. He’s in Nagoya and I am at a 600km apart, i.e. Hiroshima.
When people asked me, “wani, since when you dah couple ngan Asyraff??”
Oh, I really don’t know how to answer that. Because, I seriously never realized when I actually had crushed on him T_T
However, let’s start tracing the moment shall we?
Oh, before that, allow me to describe briefly who I am, and who he is=)
My name is er…long..but usually people will call me Wani.or.Boyan.or.recently Nini T_T
People always..always thinks that I am a friendly, cheerful, outspoken but honest, and all that connects me to be the one who always a loud one in a crowd. Sometimes, when I feel tired or having a minute break of thinking, people will b asking me whether I am okay??sehat ke??r u mad??Yes, people will give me a weird and concern look if they don’t hear my loud, annoying voice. Honestly, I don’t like to be Wani like that. I made enemies because of my easygoing. They said that I am too loud that they hate me. But I know, that’s not the case.
Even I am the kind of person that they think as easygoing..but I have this one problem. I have issue with opening my heart. It’s really hard for me to look at boys in their eyes. In high school or even in primary school, I am one of the girls who was famous and yeah..cute=p It’s true though;p I had received a lot of love letters, confessions, yadda yadda..but I never feel excited about it. Instead I hide the letter somewhere until I could not remember of them. I had been followed until home by the boys and also by my older students until before I got married. But I never tell the things, not even to my family members or..my husband.
About him that I knew in the year 2000
He’s who really a shy person. A sporty boy in high school. An intelligent who never been to second class and lower. People said his parents are rich (but, I really don’t give a damn about that). And he’s actually famous among girls (but still I didn’t know him until this one day..).
He’s famous being the ‘gang’ member in our school. But he was always spotted to sit at the most front in the surau. But, he was not a naqib=) Can you relate why??
I had enough of being followed. Phone calls from boys. I really tired of hiding all of these things from my father. Yes, my father is a typical father who doesn’t like us to play around with boys at such a young age. Oh, and he’s lucky cause I have never intended to commit to anybody.
In 2000, I moved school. I never intended to leave the school where I was the QueenBee. I made very sudden decision since I got the offer. One of the reason was because I hate my pengetua.haha..so childish!I think I don’t have to mention it here which school I was in=p It’s a boarding school and trust me, all the students in that school are purely intelligent!I am way..x pandai when I enter this school. But, Alhamdulillah..my sudden decision to enter this school brings me to my jodoh and also made who I am today=)
When I am here also I showed no interest to boys. I noticed my girl friends will avoid talking about boys with me because I usually gave my ‘o yeah’ look without further ado T_T.. Noticing my weakness in making friends..suddenly, I tried so hard to listen and react like other girls do. But I have no idea whether my act worked T_T..
I keep being in a shadow for several months. I was totally unnoticed and I really enjoyed living under profile. Until…one day, I woke up late for rehearsal of pentomen. I got a role in acting. Very small role. At least I do something (as doing something is very important to get your personal merit). Because I woke up late, I ended up being the narrator. For me that’s the biggest role in pentomen right??pentomen is all about voice. Even you are not going to be exposed, but the voice is the concept of a pentomen T_T..So, that’s where my husband saw me.
So, we have to rehears for the pentomin for about two weeks (I remember it vaguely). And we did won. Starting from that day, people had noticed of my existence T_T..
For those who had been in boarding school must be familiar with this event “dedication day” or whatever u called it. It’s when you dedicate something to other person. Before the pentomen’s incident, I only got the most 4 dedications. Soon after the pentomin craze, my friend, let’s call her F, and her classmates organized an ice-cream dedication day. OMG..I got total more than 10. All of them all from boys with nama samaran..except…one which wrote:
“Sedap le suara kau. Balas balik yek”- Acap 4Tegas.
I still remember clearly this one night when I just came back from night prep (preparation class). F was waiting for me and matenye sgt2 besinar2..and she was screaming about this Acap guy.
I just smiled je. Because..I have no idea who he was.
F explains he was in the pentomin. Acting as a Japanese soldier.
My face was like..=|
Still, I enjoyed all the ice-creams=p
And the rumors about us continue, while I never reply to any of his dedications. My dorm mates are all trying so hard to match make us. But, none of us (me and Asyraff) made any obvious moves. Oh well, definitely not me since hati ini seperti mati. Almost every night they’ll sing this Hindustan song (yeah, that moment people were still crazed about Hindustan..the song’s like..sonny sonny acap lah wani-they changed the lyric of course-) Of course I will just smile, right. It’s funny.
There’s a lot of incidence that suddenly brought us closer.
Some students had started carried cell phones. Yeah, big size punye..yg baling ape-tah-baling-anjing-pon-mati. That’s included my dorm mates. Only few of them. Me?of course NO. I don’t think my father would give me the thing that soon=| My husband had tried a few times calling me through my frens’ cells. But when they passed the phone to me, he didn’t said anything and hung up. Haha…but I know…it was him. During this year, my husband started sending me letters and bears and ape2 tah lagi. He has the idea there. But the execution I would gave him a grade D=|
Example:1) All his presents were wrapped in green army camouflaged wrapping paper=|and he was asking whether I liked the wrappers=|
2) He has once bumped with me in the hallway while carrying my present..and he turned back!
3) Always got busted sneaking on me (apparently my class was in front of tangga)
4) He stole my picture on my table. I just knew it recently.
My husband did calling and hung up on me several times. One day, my classmate who was his dorm mate, told me that my husband was hospitalized sbb sakit mate. I was like..oh..sakit mate je..but he told me..hospitalized for surgery. That time I was sooo sleepy (typical sleepy level of boarding schoolers)..and suddenly I was filled with adrenaline rush. That night, I could not sleep. I have his phone number. So, I go to the public phone away from the hostel (haha..like there’s anybody will peek on my conversation=p). But he didn’t pick up. I was really worried. Seriously I couldn’t sleep or did anything well. I prayed a lot for his recovery. Solat hajat berapa kali ntah..siap nanges atas tikar sejadah. And after few days I saw he was around..I called him. Apprently, he just sakit mate biase tu je T_T..My classmates mmg saje nk kenekan I..or in other words, he wanted to match us jugak!Then, I gave him a letter with my phone number..house phone number. I didn’t understand why I wrote them..but yeah..I finally wrote a letter for a boy. But, I was 100% sure it’s not love.
My school was in Muar and my house is in KL=|
So, in 2001, I mmg selalu balik. Just to chat with him. But at school, we were like two strangers. But on phones we were like two drunken teenagers who didn’t wanna go to bed. I will force my eyes to open widely!!!so that the conversation won’t stop. He’s so much fun!And he got lot’s of credits apparently=| (you know how much the cost of phone credits back at that day..OMG..I didn’t even think about it until..now=|). In school, I was so good at acting. I really acted well but he..really a bad one. He’s always got this redden face and uncontrollable shyness when he bumped into me. Therefore, I really loved to bumped into him=p I love to see his face like that=p Lol!
After all the incidents which brought us closer and helped me to recognize his face, I started to alert of his presence. I tried not to though T-T..When riadah time, everywhere I go, I saw him. Hockey, football, ping pong..u name it. I was like..why is he everywhere T_T I did a good job in hiding our affair..but he..did a very obvious hiding!
Example: He had to bring the juniors riadah..they were jogging around the biggg field. And I suddenly lalu..and he bumped into me. And..bring all the boys to lari reverse and patah balik. Didn’t that obvious enough T_T
I was a president for stor sukan ape tah.haha…One day, I have to close the stor. So, I was waiting for the boys to return all the equipments. Mmg susah la nk tggu dorang abes maen T_T..
Apparently the last card on my hand that still had not returned the things was him. Nk dijadikan cerita, the teacher who’s incharged of store sukan was genuinely garang! When my husband saw I was the one in the store, he hid and threw the ball to me. He didn’t notice that the teacher was there. Ape lagi..kene la!ahaha..and he forgot the card=|
Then again, none of my friends knew our secret relationship. Still, rumors were going around my circles. My circles would be my sport house, my dorm also my class n his class. For others? He’s still another available eligible bachelor.
Still, I refused to confess that I have feeling for him. Because for me, the feeling definitely isn’t real!
Then the school was over. It’s 2002.
We have to decide on our direction. Most of us chose to get into matriculation. That’s the best second choice if you failed to get into A-level for overseas. But, he insisted to start a diploma course. I was pissed because..I was actually concerned about him. For me he could do more than that with SPM result that he had. Oh yes, he was still calling me non-stop after school. What I like about him, he never asked me out which will eventually made me feel awkward. Maybe he could read my signal=) But, at the same time I knew he was desperately seeking my attention.
So, I went to matriculation without thinking other possibilities. I saw no future with him whom not that ambitious. Yeah, what a childish thought I have. He didn’t call me for a quite a long time. Then he called. He told me that he’s in the prep course for Japan. That’s why he didn’t go to matriculation as he was aiming for the course. Since then, I knew him as a very down to earth man. He was having a hard time during the first few months as Japanese words are difficult to learn right?hmm..
After scolded him so much, he was still looking for me.
After the incident, we begayut almost everynight.
However, during this time, my heart was torn between many guys. I never had seen him as one. I always thinks that I will find somebody soon…maybe in the university..hmm..really blind.
One day, I think I have to decide. At least start to consider. So, I accept my husband’s proposal for a movie. So, we saw a movie. Our first movie together was Hero.haha..I know2..that’s the only movie that had caught my interest. The cinematography hebat!mase tu la yekk..I was usually calm and more slumber. But he was very shy but he obviously tried to act cool=p I love to see men like that.haha..I went out with many guys..he’s the only one who’s like that=| So, I guess he’s not for me.
So, we separate. He’s going to fly away in a few days. After he flew, a few days after that, my dad passed away. So, the boys in my list all trying so hard to cheer me up. Of course I have no time for all of them. I fled away. From their lives. But, there were two (specificnye) who stayed.
I got a place in a university located in Kuala Lumpur. It got it as my first choice and some more, it was near to my house. Asyraff has never changed. He’s still with me no matter where I go. Some of my friends already knew about him, while I never mentioned that he’s my boyfriend. I also didn’t understand what kind of relationship were us. He always there for me (my life during undergraduate was so difficult as I have to do part time to afford my life). Meanwhile, there are three other guys who were like him, being around and there when I need entertainment. They were really a good friends to me. While my husband could do was giving a lot of phone calls, the other guys did better than him. They brought me on a date a lot of times. While I consider that just a gesture between two bestfriends. All of them knew about Asyraff’s existence, but they stayed. Nobody ever confessed anything on my face while I heard about their confession from friends. I was so sure that they were actually didn’t have the chance to do so as when they were with me, I had never gave them a chance to talk=p Lol!
When I was in university, Asyraff went back Malaysia two times in a year. That’s quite frequent for overseas student to do so. When the first time he returned, he asked for a date. I didn’t know how to reject as he was really wanted to see me. I gave him many reasons but he so degil!I told him the wrong location of my hostel. Then, I assumed he will never be able to find the building. So, I went dinner with my friends. To my surprise, he managed to find my hostel and arrived on time??!!How he did that?T_T..
When I got into the car he said..”senang je nk cari hostel u..” I was like??ha??I gave him totally wrong direction!hummphh!!and I just smiled plainly..However, I was so nervous to see him in his eyes. Always nervous until now..
During Uni life, there were a few guys trying their way. But most of them backed off as soon as they heard about me having a boyfriend at the overseas. So, slowly I got mad at him.
“Why is everybody scared of him? He is not my boyfriend!”
So, I was so menyampah how I got stuck with him. I bet the other three who was long being around me also didn’t dare to confess because of him!
This one time, there’s a guy having crush on me. I had a sudden chemistry with him. He understands me very quickly (because he had a spy; my roommate. That explains). He knew that I never had a real boyfriend. He proposed to me. But of course I said nothing. That’s my standard answer to all proposals previously..T_T Then the guy got really mad and said something that made me realized something.
He said that I am girl who refused to open my heart to anything. I closed it for really long time without actually noticed that. He said that I was scared of being hurt and never realized that I was hurting more people around me. I had never wanted to be known while I was easily got noticed. I was trying so hard to be in my own shadow which was actually a limelight. He gave me a cassette by Spider for the song Relaku Pujuk=p haha..and my friend said he even called a radio for song dedication. All he said was true though. So, all this while I was the one who got exhausted. I put so much strength to close my heart to people around me. I gave a lot of thought about what he said. He’s a very charismatic person though. He has put the words better than what I composed right now.
So, I decided to open my heart for him. He was very happy when I asked him out for a dinner and I told him I wanna try. I really determined to start a serious relationship. To get hurt and to hurt. He tried so hard to do so many things. Arranging a picnic trip, surprise luncheon, etc. But, I was still confused inside my heart. My feeling was still numb. Nothing.
Nothing has changed about Asyraff. He called still. Until one day in a chatting room. I told him that our confused relationship won’t go anywhere. It brought no good for any of us. So I told him to stop calling me (as I really want to have a serious man to be loved). It was on the Dec 26th, 2004. The night when tsunami stroked the south east Asia. I was crying like crazy as soon as I ended our relationship. I couldn’t eat or focus. The whole day I was just staring on the ceiling. I was really confused. Why was I like that. He’s not my boyfriend. I kept checking the phone. Holding it tight. Waiting for calls like every day. Nothing. He really don’t wanna have anything to do with me anymore. So, I guess he’s really agreed to what I was asking. I need to be strong. So, I asked my friends to go out.
My friends could noticed that I was having problems. They told me that I looked like a walking zombie and I didn’t listen to any conversations that we made. I didn’t actually watch the movies and I wasn’t put the food into my mouth. I was just dragging my physical while my soul don’t know where=(..Yes, I remember that moment. All I do was stare..and suddenly checking my phone. I won’t pick up if it was anybody else. Then my friend asked me to tell her what was my problem. I wasn’t listened. It’s really hard to get my sense functioned at that moment, until she shook my body. Then I told her what happened.
She told me that I was a stupid. Everybody around me able to see that I actually liked Asyraff. But, I myself never understand the feelings??I got confused because I tried to close my heart without actually notice that he has already make a way and stayed there for as long as I could remember.
However, the things that I said to him on the tsunami night were cruel. Cruel enough to refrain him from coming back.
It’s been two weeks since the tsunami stroke. I was still like that. Staring over my phone while thinking about my own heart. I didn’t know why I became such a person. I never called him since we being ‘friends’. Never. Not even once. Now he was in Japan. How could I call him straight from cell phone?Usually he did the calling. I was missing him so much. That time I knew how missing people felt like. I remember I was holding my chest every night. Honestly, it was really painful. Without me realized, I was dialing his Japan number. I heard the ringing. Then I hung up, trying to sleep. When I started to snooze, my phone rang. It was him. I was very happy to hear his voice. I thought it will be impossible for him to have the same feeling after what I said to him two weeks ago. I tried so hard to act normal. Being a cheeky girl while tears were dropping. I never could stop talking whenever he called. At one point when both of us stalling, he proposed for real. For the past few years, he thought I understood about his feeling that he doesn’t have to really say “I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?.” He said all this while, he told all his friends that I am his girl friend. And he thought I felt the same way about him too. Because the way I reacted was like that.
My heart felt really warm..sgt lega..n tenang. Then I said..”Ok”. As I was so embarrassed to be proposed out of the blue. He explained everything that happened that I didn’t know. He had my stolen pictures framed and kept in his wallet. All of his friend were very aware how he was crazy about me. He spent a lot to just hear to my voice (yeah he never really listened to my story pon..T_T). And I remembered, he’s a shy guy after all. While me, I need people explains A-Z to me with words then I will understand. We are really from different pole. That is how he completes me.
He completes me when:
1) He eats the crust. Apprently he likes to eat crust.
2) I have never finished my meal. And he always the one finished it for me.
3) I always cannot remember whether I had already locked the cars or doors. While he is a person who’ll do double, triple org even quadropole check on everything. At first I was annoyed..but few incidents now I understand. But, I still cannot do any check on anything T-T
4) I had never used to check on the items I’m gonna buy. But, he’ll check everything from seen to unseen. It made me annoyed when I could not buy the thing that I really wanted coz of faults that he managed to find.
5) He thinks deeply before buying something, while I never use my brain to do so. I was just using my money=p
6) He do relevant while I always do the irrelevant. He talks relevant while I talks rubbish.
7) So many more!
So, for him I was already his lover since the year 2000. Apparently, without I noticed he has already stole my heart since then.
He studied for about 6 years in Japan. For 6 years he often coming back to Malaysia. When he was in Malaysia he spent most of the time with me. He tried so hard so that I won’t get jealous of other couple. But he has to know that I am so good at closing my heart to people=) So since the night, I had never look up at other guys.
I was lucky that I was surrounded by a good men. When we made it official, I wanted to personally bring the news to the other guys that I think have crushed on me (which I don’t understand why). I could see their face when I told them. They were stunned and I could see their sadness. So, I got everybody last date. And all of them didn’t ever treat me like they treated me before. They really respect my decision but I know they hated me. I felt really guilty for making them misunderstood like that. I could see their face and understand the feeling. Their chest must be hurting like what I have just felt the last few weeks=(
Along the years, I think Asyraff faces the hardest time in maintaining the relationship. While I was the one who always brought us trouble. He will be the one giving it amendments. I realized that very well. Oh no…I was always be our own enemy T_T
Along the years, we learnt about each other little by little. I never want to know where he came from. I never want to know his family background. I was so scared to know more about him as I was so in love with him that I was afraid of the facts. I assumed he came from the same background like me. One day, he showed me his house and told me about his family. I really could not accept him at that time. I was in silent for the whole night absorbing all the things he just told. I didn’t know whether I could be accepted by his family=(
Alhamdulillah..like him, his family all so kind..just like him. So, I was accepted well but now I am facing a hard time to fit in.
From my story above, I always thought I was the one with attractions. More popular. Could find a man petik jari je. However, I was so wrong. Since boarding school, Asyraff received a lot of love letters, chocolates, presents, yadda2...Turned out, I was the one who was not that popular. I was actually well known just among..again..my circles. I knew about this reality slowly, not from him..but from our friends who was not in my circle once upon a time. Rupe2nye I sunggoh perasan utk menjadi heroine dlm cerite ini T_T..
My family knew well that I was with someone. Yela..phone asek bedering2 kan..but I never brought any guys home. And Asyraff had never came raya to my house or anything pon. Yela…die dh 10 thn raya kt Jepon T_T..As well as Asyraff, I had never showed my face to his parents. I remembered last year, he returned home and wanted to bring me see his parents. I said “NO!lambat lagi nak kawen!.” I was scared actually of their acceptance. I am really a nobody T_T..
One fine day, Asyraff asked me to pick him up (suddenly..I had never picked him up!). Then I went to his house..(sesat2 la jgk padehal kt Ampang je T-T). When I arrived, I saw her dad’s car and the dad=| So, I didn’t stop.haha..I waited for him at the petrol station (dpn rumah die T-T)..and tried to call him. He said his dad will be going back to work. And he asked me to come fetch him. He’ll be waiting outside. It’s true..he was waiting outside with his dad!That’s the first time I met his dad and I said nothing except bowing T_T..and later he brought me to see both his mother and father. And I brought him to see my whole family=p ahaha
How we finally be married?
I was very sure that Asyraff doesn’t have romantic trait in his DNA. He was trying so hard to to things for me. But, I just got a strong instinct everytime=p To propose me, he booked a table at Restoran berputar KL Tower tuh. He asked me to dress well, formal dress..But when he came fetch me, he wore jeans!He said he didn’t have other pant T_T..ade je mende yg spoil kan..but we managed to pass the counter=p ahaha..And, then he proposed..tu pon after I made attempt to leave. He was so nervous actually. He was shivering when he asked me to marry him. and my lips comot dgn ice cream T_T
I laughed (because her hands were shaking involunatarily=p). And said, "sape nk kawen ngan u??" and made a plain face with garfield eyes=|
Oh well, not just Asyraff who’s not romantic. Me also. I had never said the three magic words to anybody. Even after I agreed to be a special person to him after the tsunami, I never said that. The words were just locked somewhere. While he said that to me for the countless times. I only starting said that to him after a year we got official kot. I could not remember. Tu pon after an incident he merajuk. He was so happy to hear it and was asking me to repeat that the whole night T_T He always asked me whether;
I really liked him..I always said NO..
he’s a goodlooking guy?..I answered NO
Do I love him?..I said NO
Would you like to go for a date tomorrow?..NO again
Would you want me to come back again? Of course..NO
Would you marry me??..I was stunned..and I made an annoying faces.haha..I said NO and took my eyes off him. But I was actually smiled sampai telinga.
But, Asyraff knew that I always said opposite things. Refused to confess on anything. Always being sarcastic. And had a hard time to show own feelings.
So, my mouth said NO, the real answer is written on my face=)
That’s why he got me a lot of gadgets so that he could see my face every day. He bought me many types of microphones, web cameras ape2 software so that he could see the unheard conversation through phones=) So, all this while, SKYPE brought us together. Thank you SKYPE=p
Our love story will definitely long since it took decade for us to be husband and wife. However, I am now a wife on title. I am still waiting to be a real wife soon=)
This is a very true story. I tried so hard to lie here and there but, since the story is too long..I don't know which part to alter=p
More reason to compose ur own love story??
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